Tag Archives: Dixie Chicks

Your gut doesn’t lie, your guy might…

24 Apr

I think it happens to everyone in some situation (It doesn’t even have to be in matters of love. It can be that guy at the office that says he has no idea why the color printer is out of color, when you know very well if you checked out his desk it would be as fantastically vibrant as a tropical National Geographic Magazine issue…happened). nationalgeo

You might not have the proof, but you just know when something is amiss.

So what do you do? Do you:

hypertension_245a. Be straightforward and risk that always novel concept of adulthood and honesty? (Did your Blood Pressure rise when you read that? Mine did when I typed it.)

b. Skirt around the issue ?(you kind of bring it up, but not really. Its more like a babble, a bubbling brook if you will, where you ask nothing and gain nothing. Picture someone singing tralalalalalala on repeat as you say wishy washy things like “you know that girl that always texts you at 1, 2, and 3 am and asks what you are up to? Yea the same one that returned your belt after Saturday night. I well I just you know because well I mean right?  “Good talk” Ugh!) bubbling stream


It’s especially good when dolls surround it.

c. Ignore it and continue on (Of course it could be the first time in a gazillion that your gut isn’t serving you correctly. Maybe it was that weird Slavic food you ate for lunch? They have food poisoning and parasites in Croatia and Bratislava. It’s just indigestion, He didn’t really just leave with that random blond girl. He was outside waiting for someone else. Although potentially dangerous Slavic is totally the new Thai.).


Pop out of that crotch and go girl go!

d. Ignore it and Run Baby Run (cue Dixie Chicks “Ready to Run”. That guy didn’t deserve to be graced with a conversation. He isn’t worth your time. Clearly they might have disrespected you. Maybe?? Your stomach and most of your small intestine were all in on that decision and what are the chances they could be wrong?? In my opinion not very good, but to be fair it might be nice to have some facts behind all of these assumptions (Both from the person in question and the people in the know.  Not quite ready to talk to your belt-less friend? Enter my ever-growing romance with Google (Bing who?). It is actually pretty interesting stuff).

So on an initial look-see on lies and their detection, most articles start with “Lies are extremely difficult to detect.” Awesome and informative. Wow! Pressing on, what we do know is that most people are supposedly no better at lie detection than chance (so 50/50). However while in a testing situation that is probably true, when it is someone that matters to you that seems like it might not hold up.  Keep reading and BOOM! Validation! “Rely on intuition. People may be better at detecting lies with their intuition. Implicit or broadly unconscious processes can be more effective than conscious directed thought.” (YEESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!).

oprahIf that wasn’t enough to set you free you can always rely on Oprah (I vomited in my mouth a little just now and started craving bonbons and a job that allows me to watch Dr. Oz) and go chunking (no no don’t vomit, although if you are the nervous type and your belly is already uneasy because of absurd relationship shenanigans that could definitely be a valid response).

drherbertsimonChunking(from Dr. Herbert Simon): As knowledge accumulates (about a person) you begin to recognize patterns. Your brain unconsciously organizes these patterns into blocks of information. This continues overtime and eventually stores in your long-term memory. So a tiny detail sets off a spark to the larger picture and ALAS!! Intuition! You know you are right. Now what to do?

When your person texts you later that day/night with something happy, light-hearted, etc, you could respond “She’s ugly” or something equally amazing emoji style:

Them: Super excited to see you tomorrow!
You: (Turban guy emoji followed by that new weird not quite smiley faced fanged cat emoji) turbanguy
Nothing says displeasure quite like an ethnically dressed man followed by a cat.
In reality you should probably be honest and not aggressive or sarcastic (Hello fancy social media world still looking for a kitty_emoji-1font that equals sarcasm) and follow my best friends advice:

“Follow your gut.
Say what is on your mind.
You like him.
You don’t want to deal with this player mess he is in.
Does he want to take a shot at being committed with you or not?”
If only it was that easy…

These are the Soundtracks of Our Lives…

22 Apr

It started with our powder blue Oldsmobile’s 8 track and likely Barry Manilow and Stevie Wonder, and has been the one passion that has never abated. My love for music is truly everlasting. In Junior High School I used to dream of a smaller portable music player maybe even handheld so that the melodies in my head could be audible to the entire world. I understood and envied the “hoodlums” that my grandparents and  even parents complained of walking around with a refrigerator sized stereos on their shoulders (I can’t imagine what that had to cost in batteries, especially since those guys never looked like the rechargeable battery type). Portable music was the “jam” if you will. 

Decades later, enter the iPod that had external speakers and one of my earliest dreams was realized. I, however, am not Al Gore and will not claim that this genius innovation a la Steve Jobs and Apple was mine. The iPod was and is one of the best things that has ever happened to me, allowing my music to constantly surround in version audible outside my brain.

How does this relate to love, relationships, and dating or maybe even just life? Well in my life it is oddly straightforward if I pay attention. In everyone else’s it is the reason that the soundtrack makes such a big impact on a film or even TV show. Hollywood has known and worked with this since sound was able to be paired with film. We have all watched a film and then the music started playing “Bow chick a bow bow…” and thought wow that situation is not going to work out…

One of the most stark and mocking examples is according to JLo’s character Mary in The Wedding Planner. Sitting in the theater, I became sure that I wasn’t alone in my suspicion that music and relationship success are definitely related:

"Oh, oh, and "I Honestly Love You" as your wedding song?
You might as well commit matrimonial suicide right now."
 In summation: The music matters, possibly more than we think.

My first real relationship began my senior year in high school and lasted through my first two years of undergrad. Looking back via a musical perspective our first date should never have even occurred. He was a guy I met through my first job. He was nice enough and I knew he had a crush on me for about 6 months prior to our first date. From the moment I met him every time I was around him 99.7 the Fox would play “Better Man” by Pearl Jam. In retrospect that was the proverbial frying pan repeatedly hitting me in the face of our dragged out and absurdly painful relationship. He was uncomplimentary at best and an all-round douche-tard at worst.  “She lies and says she’s in love with him can’t find a better man.” Pearl Jam was right and the music gods were speaking to me as loudly as the could.

I didn’t take the hint that time or even the next 10-20. To their credit the powers that be didn’t give up on me.* In my last several relationships the overly repeated musical mantras (and I state this recognizing that stations far and wide play the same thing about every ten minutes) have been no less subtle than what Pearl Jam tried to tell me in the mid 90s.

*It is important to point out that these songs not only played on the radio, but in stores, amusement parks, restaurants, everywhere.

In 2002 I should have thought twice when my guy told me he always thought of Willy Nelson’s “You Were Always on My Mind”  when he thought of me. Yes we were still dating at the time. Maybe he had already broken up with me in his head. In 2008, Rihanna’s “Unfaithful” should have prevented a late night discovery that I was far from the only one in my guy’s little black book.  In 2010, Taio Cruz sang the fateful “I’m only gonna break break ya break break ya heart.” only 16 times per play in his catchy upbeat yet oddly dark hit (Players unite you now have a Pop Anthem that does not offend and possibly appeals to all of us white girls).  Actually, this was the first song that I truly thought was a sign. It played on our first date in a Peruvian restaurant and was the only NonLatin song during our dining experience. Instead of being giddy with the relief that they were currently out of beef heart (the one thing my date thought would be symbolic if we ate “heart” on our first date. Yeah, yeah, OK there were multiple signs.), I should have cabbed it home as soon as Taio started crooning.

Finally and most recently I met the Conudrum wine (what exact combo of grapes is in that stuff that makes it so very palatable and delicious?) of boys and musical influence. We mucked the pot by constantly listening to music of our own choosing all of the time via iPods, shuffles, iPhones, iPads, and once or twice his Kindle Fire.  We ate, drank, and hung out to Foster the People, the Black Keys, Cults, Young the Giant, and Vampire Weekend to name a few.  All of these bands maybe have had an odd album cover or video, however, all make great music and there was no overt badness. Plus there were so many songs; whole albums even. In the present theory this relationship should have ABSOLUTELY worked out right?

Ha! This relationship even ended on a musical note where there was likely some blatantly ignored foreshadowing with a Fitz and the Tantrums‘ concert and songs like “Don’t Gotta Work it Out”. He has not spoken to me again since two days after the concert. It was the same week that I heard Gotye and Kimbra’s “Someone That I Used to Know.” I still have very little idea what happened. He didn’t defriend me on Facebook so I gather it couldn’t have been my fault…

At this point, I am thankful that “Goodbye Earl”, The Dixie Chicks or  “Love the Way You Lie” a la Eminem and Rihanna hasn’t happened on a first date.  At least now I would know to RUN! Speaking of I have always wondered what Rihanna and Chris Brown jammed out to? Maybe they listened to 2 Live Crew or Death Metal (I don’t know any death metal bands off hand so I googled and was immediately partial to Fleshcrawl and Pungent Stench, here are the Top 100) or any of the Top 30 domestic violence songs as per A.V. Club (Eminem has 3 of those).  That might clear up the mystery that surrounds their situation a bit.

Maybe I should only look for a guy if the song seems favorable like during such IQ dropping hits like Jason Derulo’s  “I Only Miss You When I am Breathing”. Now that is dedication! It does risk the hazard of being the type of relationship that would be all encompassing and possibly stifling, but possibly better than the above.

The Top 5 Stop Dating this Douche Already Mantras (a la me)

1. A Lap Dance is So Much Better When the Stripper is Cryin’ – Bloodhound gang (Enough Said)
2. Flavor of the Weak – American Hi Fi (there also will be other signs, like that extra pink toothbrush)
3. Area Codes – Ludacris (watch out when dating traveling salesman of any types. Pharm and Device reps included)
4.  Still Not A Player– Big Pun (this guy is almost too arrogant not to tell you)
5. That Ain’t My Truck – Rhett Atkins (for the country fans and the ladies who drive by their man’s dwelling)
Honorable Mentions: What it Takes – Aerosmith (this one’s gonna hurt) and Glycerine – Bush (The title comes from the explosive applications of glycerine to stabilize nitro: in an interview Rossdale said the song was about how love was like a bomb). Another Boyfriend, Another explosion.

Top 5 Keep This Guy Around Although Your Love May Be Nauseating To Those Around You Songs (also a la me)**
** A category which would not surprisingly be dominated by boy bands if I extended it to a top 20.

1. Truly Madly Deeply – Savage Garden (I never said all or even any of these songs would be good, just that they indicated a musical agreement that this person wouldn’t hurt you.)
1.I Knew I Loved You Before I Met You – Savage Garden  (Let’s just take a moment and bask in the wonder that one band can be sappy enough has the top two songs and also to take deep breaths to suppress the feeling of nausea that we now all have)
3. I’ll Never Break Your Heart – Backstreet Boys (Excellent Promise)
4.  I Need A Girl – P Diddy (Where to apply?)
5.  Without You (feat. Usher) – David Guetta (It was on Glee, how could it be wrong?)

Honorable More Serious Mentions:  I Found YouAlabama Shakes (Check this Band and their album Boys and Girls Out! That is a command!), One and Only – Adele (it’s good to be the one and only, at least that is what I have been told), and  Angel – Aerosmith (classic adoration)

All in all we should likely pay attention to what lots of things in our live including the music in our lives is telling us about our relationships and even our perspective. It is possible that we gravitate towards what we subconsciously already know, that some higher being is telling us via pop culture what our outcome is going to be and thus making desperate efforts to save our time and energy, or maybe it there is a radio or even a government conspiracy that dominates and manipulates our relationship undertones and thus lives (insert Carmina Burana here). If the latter is the case then I have major issue with 93.3 because there music has provided the worst crop yet (they do have excellent Celebrity Gossip via “The Dirty @ 6:30”).

What are your top 10 relationship do and relationship don’t tunes?


and other awful dating dilemmas.

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