One of my good friends went out on a suboptimal date this evening. She called me at its conclusion fuming. She, as she always does, had offered the to pay for her dinner at the end of their not overly exciting date and for the first time she had someone take her up on it. Before you jump to conclusions and think, “well it is about time someone called her bluff.” That my friends is not why she was mad. When the waitress came he asked her to split the check, which resulted in her paying for triple the price of her dinner and drinks (i.e. a large percentage of his meal). The ensuing discussion was one about manners and proper behavior (and could likely be had 20-600 times a second in any given metropolitan area).
This absurd date made me think of the last date where I ended up paying for both mine and my dates food. If you are rolling your eyes, “Why not pay for a date’s meal?” “Isn’t there a feminist movement?” I would like to submit to the jury that this is not about the money. More about the etiquette.
Disclaimer: The following tale unfortunately might not be overly memorable in the land that we currently date in. It probably happens all the time.
The guy in question had asked me to go to dinner with him via a phone call that it turned out he was making just outside my door. I consider myself a polite person with a few rare exceptions when under extreme duress. How does one say no to the guy outside your door who knows that you are home and that you don’t really have other plans? Probably pretty simply, “No!” unless of course you are a people pleaser (thanks mom), then that simple two letter word becomes a virtual impossibility (although the vision of me army crawling towards my bedroom while he peered in my kitchen window trying to find me would not be that far from the truth).
So in short I went out with him due to obligation, not out of love, like, or even lust. Dinner was a mixture of excellent flavors and mind-numbing, IQ lessening conversation (the whole reason, I had balked at the idea of going on another date with this dude in the first place). He insisted on trying a ton of things as he talked about himself ad nauseum. He even was so kind to take me through a play by play of his last 10 gym workouts, which he was pretty sure was giving him his ingrown back hairs that occasionally got infected. Would I maybe pop one of them later? Direct quote (of note dinner became less appealing at that moment and I didn’t eat very much more). To my credit I sat listened and smiled until I could take it no more.
Thinking back I am not sure which bit of rhetoric it was that became the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back. Maybe the one about how he was looking for someone else to sue so he could make a quick buck. Or maybe it was continuous quoting of Adam Sandler movies in a baby voice. However, I had my fill of both the food (especially post ingrown hair image) and his ridiculous chatter. So I decided to be honest and I told him that we weren’t really on the same page in life. He apparently translated that as I was even more into him (another problem completely).
I then told him I had to get home to prepare for work the next day. This he seemed to process as it was meant. We asked for the check and upon its arrival he informed me that he had realized on the drive over that he didn’t have his wallet, but it wasn’t it worth his company during this fine evening? At this point I was at Defcon 10, no eye contact with extreme focus on how to get out with all of my faculties. I paid and bolted, realizing in mid-bolt that I was actually headed towards his car. Crap! (Enter awkward goodbye when I arrive at my house as I dash from his automobile while he tries to grope me). This guy continued to call and ask me out for the next 3 months. I never went on another date with him and have also likely not regained the brain cells lost during the above evening.
The Player: Call Outside Your Door for a Date That Starts Right Now Guy
The lesson: Sometimes you have to pay out monetarily. This is OK. Dole out the cash. Anything you can do to get away from the nonsense and salvage your self respect is a worthy investment. Learn from the best. You should lie, say you are not home and army crawl to safety.
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